i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
