Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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