apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
im on a boat
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