You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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