I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize