I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
