What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
