I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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