i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
