What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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