I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
