I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
