Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
