i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
