goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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