I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
