my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
