sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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