The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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