3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's Friday. Sex?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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