high people should be assigned attendants
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
