dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well you can't waste a boner
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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