i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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