wrigley field is MILF paradise
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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