Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize