i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
