I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you traded sex for a burrito?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
