Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
