piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
