Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My vagina just clenched in fear
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
