Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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