My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
