In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
