I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
