I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
