If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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