Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
