You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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