You're my little dorito
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
