You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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