I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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