We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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