FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
