she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize