we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize