Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
