I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
