my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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