I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
