Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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