Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
