I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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