Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Congratulations! We have a period
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
