singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
