This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
