Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
