apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize