my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
