I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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