just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
