I should be sponsored by Trojan
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
