Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think i peed on brittanys purse
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
