i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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