Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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