you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize