is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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