SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
