Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
