Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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