is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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