I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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