I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize