member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As shirtless as possible
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
