he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
