i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
