bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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