Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
