i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
