I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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