just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
