does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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